I’m not sure what I believed about Christianity before I had my life-changing encounter with Him. That day, when He spoke so clearly to my spirit, I couldn’t deny it was God Himself speaking. After all, who is going to start randomly calling out sin in the way He did except our holy Savior Jesus through the Holy Spirit?
I know I used to say a lot of cliché things that now, upon hearing, make me cringe—things like: God knows my heart, I don’t need to go to church to love God and be a Christian. Scripture of course teaches differently, and you learn these simple truths quickly when following Jesus. The Bible says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9), as well as, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another.” (Hebrews 10:25)—unknowingly trying to hush the still, small voice that gently and persistently was knocking at the door of my heart with truth: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” (Revelation 3:20).
I won’t forget the season of my life before encountering Jesus—a season where I had eyes but truly couldn’t see, and ears but couldn’t hear.
Christianity to me then was easy. I prayed at bedtime. I rattled off my requests like a Christmas list from a spoiled 7-year-old boy. Out of touch with reality, I treated God like He existed to just do whatever I asked. I had to control every aspect of my life. Later I learned: “You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.” (James 4:3).
From what I understand, it’s a trauma response to the way I survived childhood. Isn’t that the same for 99.9 percent of all humans? Many of us have survived childhood. When we finally reach coveted adulthood we make silent pacts to do it better and differently. Many of us fail in that attempt. Or at least aspects of it.
I used to make the most grandiose plans—none of which ever came to pass. I floundered in insecurity and anxiety of the unknown. Existing didn’t make sense. Nothing in my world made sense. I didn’t know that Scripture talks about not making plans—that it’s actually prideful: “Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city…’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow… Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.” (James 4:13–16). We assume we can plan accordingly—even though we live in a world where we are truly as temporary as flowers in a field. Humankind tries to be their own god. I just also had a God-given hope for someone greater than me—a Savior.
Since having encountered Jesus and walked with Him almost five years at the time of these writings, I have learned what it means to actually be a “Christian”—to follow Jesus. I want to share these things because there is still such misconception about what following Christ looks like.
The Scripture that most simply encapsulates following Christ is this: “Whoever wants to be My disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow Me.” (Luke 9:23).
Jesus teaches us in Scripture about “counting the cost” before you start building: “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” (Luke 14:28). The gift of eternal life is free from our Savior—praise the Lord! (Romans 6:23). Following Christ, however, will cost you everything. It will cost you your desires. It will cost all your dreams and goals for your life. It will cost your free will, which will slowly die to the desire of wanting the will of your Father in Heaven above all. It will cost you in comfort some days. It becomes a routine of denying yourself and what you want for your life—and even those around you—for whatever purpose or plan God has instead. Often, this is a much more difficult terrain than living however we want (which conversely is also not easy though some would contest). It’s putting your phone down because the still, small voice says, “Come spend time with Me.” It’s apologizing to someone who wronged you for your impatient response to their sin. It’s daily humbling yourself and being humbled as you wake up praying, “Okay Lord, today I’m not going to sin!” Then spending the rest of the day recognizing it’s not going well and repenting for the failure—and trying again and thanking God incessantly for His sweet and perfect grace.
Following Jesus is the narrow way. It’s unpopular. It will get you disliked and looking like a crazy person.
The truth is: the narrow way isn’t the easy way. But here’s the thing—the broad road wasn’t easy either, and I didn’t have peace.
One thing the narrow way provides is a best friend, the Prince of Peace, who walks with you like a brother. A Comforter like no other. An undefeated Defender that no evil can withstand. Protection like you never knew you had access to. He protects in ways I didn’t know were possible. We walk in a dark world as the light of Christ. It’s not easy, but it’s the most amazing adventure I didn’t even know I was missing for the first half of my life.
My goal now is to know Him and be known by Him. It’s impossible to know Him and not be transformed—and your life be radically changed for the better. Not easier. But better.
Follow Jesus. Give Him everything you have. All your hopes, dreams, aspirations, gifts, talents—lay them at the foot of the cross. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5–6). It will be the most epic adventure of your life.
If you’re at a place where you don’t know how, it’s simple: you pray. You ask Him—who is all-powerful and, “To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine…” (Ephesians 3:20)—to move your hands and feet to do His will. Because when you’re weak, He’s strong. He will do it. There are millions who testify—He will do it.
I thank God for the narrow way, and His ability to keep us safely walking on it.
“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” (Matthew 7:13–14)
I love you so much. Jesus loves you more!
🤍Steph